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Digging Deep

Find Your Way Out Of The Rabbit Hole and Regain Your Confidence: A Guest Blog By: Dr. Joanne Royer, PhD


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by Kim Coates in Guest Blog, Self-Help
December 4, 2017 0 comments

I’m going to let you know right up front that this isn’t a flowery blog post. And, it’s not necessarily a “feel good” blog post.

This post is inspired by those of you going through a crisis of confidence. Confidence, having it, not having it, searching for it, feeling as though you are on a scavenger hunt to find it, is universal. We all suffer from feeling a lack of confidence to varying degrees. Some of us can quickly shore this up when we are feeling we are lacking in confidence. For others, if we don’t feel a shift soon enough, we tend to start feeling this void get deeper and wider and start becoming anxious that we won’t find it or get it back if we had it. Overtime, you feel confidence depleted.

This depletion of confidence can manifest itself in many ways, and suffering from comparison-itis starts to make you immune to antibiotics in the form of positive self-talk. You start feeling tired at the thought of putting one foot in front of the other. It becomes unbearable to get onto Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter, Instagram, et al. as it gets harder and harder to tolerate the happy people, the “go get ’em” personalities, the “seize the day” attitudes, the “let me boast about my win today” entries, or worse yet, reading one more quote of inspiration or motivation that someone else has shared.

The feelings associated with confidence depletion become unbearable and the nay-sayer thoughts that nag, no matter how many times you try and replace them with a positive, seem to keep multiplying like those men in the Matrix movies – you can’t seem to keep up the pace of replacing positive thoughts with all the negatives. After all, part of the difficulty with going through a crisis of confidence is being able to remember what those positives are about yourself to begin with. You start feeling as though you are quickly falling down the rabbit hole.

Universally, every human being has a rabbit hole. I challenged you to find one person who you think has it all, who you see as ultimately successful, who may be the epitome of living the abundant life. They all have their own rabbit hole. Keeping this in mind may make you feel a tad bit better – that it’s not just YOU going through this. 

It’s time to DIG DEEP.

You pretty much know that tomorrow, you may feel better. You aren’t entirely sure that you will feel better, but you have enough hope left that you believe in the old saying, “This too shall pass.” You just may feel better 10 minutes from now, an hour from now, by tonight, or come tomorrow.

What to do? How do you get to the other side in the moment of utter confidence depletion?

I firmly believe, as simplistic as this may sound, that the goal is two-fold:

Acknowledge that you are going down the rabbit hole and NOT to hit the bottom

Sound simple? For some of us, we can spend months, even years, not understanding what we are feeling. We just know we feel a higher level of “awful.” We have noticed some of our daily habits starting to shift. Starting to be mindful of the “why” behind a nagging feeling is key. Starting to recognize the patterns of what is or is not happening in our day, or life, helps to recognize the start of our rabbit hole descent. Confidence depletion resulting out of a crisis of confidence doesn’t happen overnight. However, it can definitely feel like it. In actuality, it is an erosion that happens overtime. Next time you want to shrug off a feeling, stop and take note of it first and what it may be linked to.

The goal is not to hit bottom.

You’ve heard another old saying, “Two steps forward, one step back.” As individual as we all are, each of us will have a different definition or feeling of what our “bottom” is. It may be a place that you have hit before and that experience has been embedded in your psyche that you don’t want to experience again. Your bottom may also be a feeling that surpasses the depth of what you are feeling now and you vow not to go to that level. And just with each of us having defined what our own “bottom” is, we have all taken on various ways of dealing with feeling confidence depleted.

My meaning of digging deep is when the mechanics of masking the depletion isn’t working.

Here are some suggested tips to re-shift the negative thinking, nothing new that you didn’t already know, but perhaps it’s time for some reminders:

Take It Outside:

If you are able to breathe, then take yourself outside. There is something to be said about taking 10 deep breaths. But, I encourage you to go an extra step. Actually going out and getting your heart pumping, breathing in the air, feeling your lungs take in air, holding it, and then releasing it. There are tremendous physiological benefits, one of which, are the positives results on one’s mind (and mood) that then give room to start taking in a different way of thinking. I’m not suggesting running or walking miles. It may be a simple walk to and from your mailbox, taking a walk around your block. You may surprise yourself and before you know it, you get in those 10,000 steps. The key here is using your physical energy and a good dose of oxygen to make room for thought change.

Take Pen To Paper:

Not able to go out? Living in an area where there is a blizzard, or it’s the middle of the night? Maybe you have children at home and you can’t leave the house?

Take pen to paper, or now with the computer age, take your keyboard to a new Word or Page document and start writing, no thinking required. This is un-edited, free thought writing. If your thoughts aren’t already flowing or they are spinning too quickly to articulate, here’s a suggestion:

Make a sentence and fill in the blanks:

My confidence depletion is making me feel _______.

That may be enough to focus your thought and off you go! If you can further expand on why you feel that way, great! The goal is to off load. Off load your thoughts out of your head and put them down on something tangible to emulate putting your thoughts somewhere else.

Do this hourly if need be. It’s a great exercise on a daily basis (i.e. Journaling). If you are stuck in the “why,” putting your thoughts down and leaving a footprint on a daily basis may lead you to your “why.”

We all have the answers within. We all search for clarity. That is the beginning toward creating an action plan toward re-building and shoring up your confidence. To go through this process, you surely have the courage!

About The Author:

Dr. Joanne Royer, Phd

Dr. Joanne Royer, is the founder and owner of Change Agent and Associates, an online Coaching Collective. In 2006, following 20+ years as a successful licensed psychotherapist, Dr. Joanne began pursuing her certifications in the field of Life Coaching. Today, in private practice, Dr. Joanne provides psychological, sophisticated online coaching to adults, helping them to get inside their head in order to move out of their own way, bridging mental wellness with mental empowerment. Dr. Joanne works within the US and internationally.                                888.748.4464   

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How to cut your lodging cost by 50% or more while staying in the coolest places in the world

Quit saying I’ve always wanted to do that and travel today within your budget!

100% FREE!!!
Get It Now!